Incredibly disloyal fangirl - I read and rec stuff from loads of different fandoms, including but limited too: Sherlock, Avengers, MCR and Teen Wolf.
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I return to you now as Sapphy BA Hons!
So I’m listening to radio 4, and in between programmes they stop to pause a french actor who played one of the goblins in Harry Potter, who talked about how his goblin looks like Nelson Mandella, and his inspiration for the role was Nicolas Sarkosy.
WTF Radio 4?
So there aren’t actually any Batarangs in this… See, in Crisis on Two Earths, Owlman has these little cameras, mounted on remote control Batarangs. So my first thought, obviously, was Jester as a cam-boy. It was only once I started writing that I realised that they couldn’t be called Batarangs, because that’s not an owl pun, and that I don’t know what they’re actually called. But by then I’d decided I liked this ficlet, so here it is anyway, completely free from anything related to the prompt.
There are two things in the world that Thomas Wayne Jr doesn’t understand. Women, and Superheroes.
Actually that’s not true. Generally speaking he understands women just fine, they’re just people. They want what everyone else wants – for him to not kill them. That’s a pretty simple world view to grasp. And Superheroes aren’t so hard. Take Luthor, for example. Clever enough to know he’s not a good man, delusional enough to want to pretend otherwise. Locked in his endless cycle of heroics and defeat because if he ever stops, he’ll have to actually face himself. Again, not so complicated really.
No, when he says he doesn’t understand women and superheroes, what he really means is his woman, and his superhero.
Mostly, when the fact that he can’t begin to understand Superwoman’s petty twisted little mind starts to bother him, he talks to Power Ring. Not that Power Ring actually gives anything like good advice, but he’s such a misogynistic dinosaur that he makes Owlman feel better about himself, because he might not know what Superwoman wants, but at least he doesn’t think her place is in the kitchen. (She’s a terrible cook, the worst Thomas has ever encountered. He thinks she probably does it on purpose, but he’s not certain.)
Jester he mostly talks to Red Arrow about, when he can’t avoid talking about him at all. He doesn’t like opening up about the clown, but sometimes he needs to say things out loud, and for some reason Superwoman gets angry when he tries to talk to her about it. Arrow is cheerful, and surprisingly kind for a supervillain, and most importantly, fully aware that Owlman could kill him without breaking a sweat. He makes a good confidante.
“I know he doesn’t know the cameras are there,” Owlman says mournfully, watching the feed from the drone-cameras (he needs to think of a name for them, but owl-based names are fairly hard to think up). “There is no way he could possibly know they’re there. They’re silent, they keep their distance. I know he’s never seen them!” Arrow makes a sympathetic noise beside him. “And yet…”
He flicks up yesterday’s feed. There’s Jester, sitting in the abandoned warehouse he’s been using as a base (Superwoman keeps asking why he doesn’t just kill him, if he knows where the clown is hiding. Sometimes, Thomas thinks he really doesn’t understand her at all) playing with that ridiculous monkey of his. It’s wearing a waistcoat, and a tiny party hat, held on with string. One of the great mysteries about Jester is that Owlman has never yet seen him dress the horrid thing. He’s beginning to wonder if he’s trained it to dress itself.
“Did you know,” the robotic voice of the computer’s lip-reading software says (he has software that makes it sound like the Jester, but Superwoman had threatened to leave for good if she ever caught him using it again. He will never understand women.) “Owls swallow their prey whole. And then they spit out all the bits that they can’t digest afterwards.”
The monkey nods, like it’s actually listening, like it actually did know.
“But I was thinking,” Jester continues, and it doesn’t matter that it’s the computer speaking, in his mind, Owlman hears that familiar voice, “that our poor old Owly-wowly probably has a bit of a delicate digestion, after all the times we’ve poisoned him.” Thomas hates it when Jester calls him Owly-wowly, but he can’t find a way to make him stop. Johnny had called him that once, and hadn’t been quick enough to avoid a bullet in the leg that had slowed him down for weeks. “So I was thinking, just to be nice, we should probably start fighting the Owl naked. What do you think?”
On the screen, the monkey removes its waistcoat. Jester looks up, staring straight into the camera, and says very clearly, obviously enunciating the world carefully, to make them easy to lip-read. “We wouldn’t want to make things hard for him.”
And then he takes off his trousers.
“You see?” Thomas complains, as Arrow makes disgusted noises next to him. “He can’t know the camera is there, and yet…”
“And yet he’s doing a strip tease for you,” Arrow says, with a kind of fascinated horror. “And he is really bendy.”
Camouflage tech, Thomas thinks, as he watches Jester prove just how very flexible he is. Maybe he should try camouflage tech.